Feeling numb...

I have to say... I feel pretty numb today. I have been going through life feeling that I am nowhere near perfect. In fact, I can be selfish sometimes, emotional and way too sensitive. However, I have always felt that I truly and wholeheartedly care about others and try hard to be a good person. When I mess up, I will definitely admit it and realize that only my mistakes can make me better. I try not to regret my bad decisions, but instead cherish the value that they had in my life. I have been bombarded lately with others making me feel completely insane. Making me feel as if maybe I am a good person, but I take life too seriously and actually put no effort into showing others that I care. I think badly enough of myself sometimes. I don't really need others to help me push those thoughts even deeper into my mind. I AM TRYING PEOPLE. I try to remain positive. I try to laugh and put on a happy face. I TRY. Please just give me a break.

I am not as social as others would like me to be... I like staying home and listening to my music. Being my own best friend is all I can really do. My parents, my sister, and myself are really the only people that I can count on. The only people that will never leave me completely.

If I cry... I am here for myself. Half the people that think that they are my friends have no idea the things that go on in my head. They have no idea the battles I face day to day. They don't really care how I am doing. When I talk to them, their body language would tell the naked eye that they are listening. I say look a little deeper. A little longer. Their eyes will tell you that they are only waiting for their turn to speak. Their minds are just rehearsing their next lines. Something that has nothing to do with anything. Something maybe about themselves... or thoughts maybe about how I just need to let it go and cheer up. I am just sick of it all. I thank God for my parents, my sister and her husband. People that really care. People that would die for me in an instant. People who drop everything at anytime if they feel that I need them in any way. Those are my best friends. My goddaughter, Aurianna. The true display of innocence and beauty. I love her. Seeing her could turn darkness to light, any day, anytime. I have a friend, Anne. Just met her in April. She has been more of a friend to me in under a year, then some people have all my life. I think in a way she was put in my life as a guardian angel. A friend at the exact time that I really needed one. I am numb today. Numb, but trying to feel something... Trying to feel that there are people who really love me for me. Flaws and all.